Thanks everyone for the kinds and encouraging words. He ended up calling me Sunday night...saying he was going to quit drinking..he was tired of it...I told him I wasn't sure and would have to think about it...I told him you have done this many times...saying you were going to quit and something happens...at work, the kids, me...etc...and you go right back at it....he said I didn't have any faith in him...
so I met with him for lunch yesterday just to get clarity on my part? Or closure? (I think deep down I was hoping for him to be apologizing more..tell me how much he missed me and wanted me back..how he was going to be different this time...but it didn't happen). He said he was going to quit drinking...that was his part...he wanted to know what my part would be to change...how I was going to change...said I was very mean to him...didn't treat him right...that last night I did go into the room and not talk to him...tried to avoid him...he takes that as being passive aggressive...
Well, I was still on the fence yesterday, but I picked up my kids and went back to my friends house. I needed more time to think about it...decided that I couldn't go back...maybe he is right...I don't have faith in him being sober on his own...not going to AA...won't go to a therapist...but it is not just the drinking that bothered me...it was the verbal/emotional (and more) abuse towards me and the kids. And he won't admit that..so I knew he wouldn't change that...yes, he may be sober but he was still going to be mean...my kids even said they didn't want to go back because he was mean (he is their step dad not real dad).
I am really proud of myself for not going back there last night...and this morning he made the decision that it was best if I move on...so it will make this a little easier. I am still pretty upset..but I know this shall pass.
So I have a lot to do within the next few days...pack, turn on utilities, and move...
I am just exhausted but I know I can do this.