Originally Posted by
audiokat 
Hi mate.
There's a lot of similarity and feelings in your post that I can relate to.
I am a binge drinker too, as someone just pointed out to me, it is alcoholism too. Last night was the final straw for me and I am determined to put a stop to it for good. I intend to see someone, ( starting with GP ) tomorrow as I made a verbal effort before that I would quit the binging and lapsed. For me, involving another person, a professional in my bid to stop for good makes it official and I think this also shows that I am serious in my intention. It's the single root cause of anything bad we have experienced as a couple. Alcohol and me, just do not mix.
Was at a wedding last night and I drank all day, my girlfriend had booked us into a room, it never happened. I became drunk, I started an argument, put my fist through car windscreen and lost my wallet, cash and iPhone. She left, I left, the room went to waste and I upset her massively. Unfortunately, it's took for something to happen to make me look at myself seriously. I don't want to lose her but these drunken episodes are destroying us. At the moment I don't know where I stand. I cannot say sorry enough, I mean it from my heart and she means so much more to me than drink.
Words are nothing though, I need to prove to her and myself that I can do this and wish to do it for the right reasons. We have a great relationship and she deserves more from me than this. It's not even who I am, I don't know who I am when I am intoxicated. I havent become physically violent but there is a worrying loss of a moral barrier when I'm drunk and that frightens me.
I have to start somewhere and that's the GP tomorrow. My first step was to admit that I have a problem, I'm ready to deal with it now.
AudioKat - Thanks for sharing and this sounds very similar to my situation. I feel like I turn into a different person. I have been doing a lot of reading and I think parts of my brain do shut down and the chemicals change(react) from drinking differently than in each person. Our brian controls who we are, our thoughts, our judgements so in a way we are a different person when our brain chemistry changes. I also feel like my Moral barrier changes - and that really really scares me. I act in ways that I would never in a million years want to act or think I would act when sober.
My GF was there to see me go outside to fight and is very scared she saw me that way. The worst part is it also brought up all the old scars from earlier in our relationship and it does feel like ALL of our big fights and disagreements have been directly related to my drinking. The biggest hurt she has is from infidelity on a trip from several years ago. Her seeing me like this several weeks ago has brought up all that hurt.
Fortuntly we are still on speaking terms even though she chose to move out and she is still thinking in her mind if she wants to hold on to the relationship. She says that I was another person when I was that drunk and someone that she is right now scared to have children with or have a future with.
Show your GF you love her and that you won't let it happen again. Care for her and be appreciative and Thankful everyday that you have someone that loves you. How did the doctor visit go? GP?