^ I totally get that. I did love him, too. So very much. Blindingly. I thought I could love him enough to make his demons go away-and I think that was my job, he told me as much-I was supposed to make him better and keep him in line. I tried so damn hard. I did love him and even loved him when he would abuse me. I'm sorry for what you went through, friend, but glad you are here!!
I choose each day not to hate him bc hate only eats me up and doesbt allow the light in my life-it is a struggle at times to not hate someone that has abused his own kids, but I choose not to hate. Sometimes it takes praying over and over again to not hate or act out of that feeling. It's hard-and I too have a lot of work to do on resentments. My focus will be those once I heal from the trauma. But, I loved him.