Walk, re the whole willpower thing:
The first time around getting sober, my husband had a bottle of vodka in the apartment, supposedly hidden but I knew where it was.
For many nights, at least once an evening I'd go secretly to check that it was there. Then I started secretly opening it and smelling it, sometimes a couple of times a night. I exercised tremendous willpower and didn't drink any of it, night after night, for months & months. Right up until I relapsed.
My willpower got me nowhere, because it was phoney willpower -- I was trying to go against something my deeper will desired. I had to get to a place where I completely internalized the belief that living (and dying) in active alcoholism is a terrible thing. No ambivalence. No need for willpower.
If I ever want to get ambivalent again, I can go there in a heartbeat. To keep myself from doing that, I study the damage that drugs and alcohol have done to me, to my family, to people here. I also focus intensely on sources of personal gratification, to develop my attachment to sober pleasures.
Are you immersed in your own real life?