HighDraw18

Hi Everyone...I have lurked on this site for some time but decided it was time to sign up.

I'll start with some background. I'm 26 years old and have developed a pattern of binge drinking. 5 years ago was the first time that I realized that I might have a problem with alcohol. I was drinking everyday, using alcohol to mask my anxiety. This was a serious brush with alcoholism - thankfully I was able to stop drinking for a while and got healthy.

I completely abstained from drinking for about a year and then decided that I could drink responsibly. For the past 3 years or so, my drinking has been very infrequent (once every 1-2 months) and I can go 6 months plus without touching it. The problem is that when I do drink, I do so in a very unhealthy manner. I generally drink until I pass out and make decisions, such as using other substances, that I would never make if not under the influence.

I do not know if this behavior constitutes true alcoholism but I'm not really interested in semantics. I know that it has become an issue for me and I want to give it up completely. I feel intense anxiety and shame after a night out and often question if I have a problem (behaviors/thoughts that I suspect "normies" don't deal with). The use of other substances while drinking is completely incongruent with my lifestyle - I have a good job and try to take care of myself. Lately, I am paranoid that my partying is going to cause problems in my life and this Is a big issue as I am a naturally anxious person that tends to obsess over things.

I drink so infrequently that I'm ready to just give it up. The anxiety and guilt that I feel isn't worth it. Yeah, I'll miss some nights out with my friends, but that doesn't concern me. Good friends will still be there and those that aren't weren't good friends to begin with.

I'm looking forward to spending time here - there's a ton of support! Thanks for reading.