Thank you all for your replies, it's nice to be in the company of people who understand.
Dropsie - Thank you for your advice, it really resonates with me. I have done exactly that this morning. I have appologised for my atrocious behavour, haven't made any excuses and plan to draw a line in the sand from this moment and move forward.
I was just thinking about that night being a turning point for me, that moment when you know you can't continue along a certain path without causing a lot of harm to yourself and others.
I have an addictive personality and am in counselling, this is going to be a long process but I've finally admitted i have a problem.
Thank you for your support
