Fed up of the guilt and shame. New to the forum.
Good morning everyone,
So I've hit rock bottom. You know that point where you wake up for the 100th time thinking, what the hell happened last night?
I've been a fairly heavy drinker since i was at university, I am now 30. I've always known I've had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol, even back then I would drink to excess and not be able to control my consumption. I drank to feel good, to loose my inhibitions, to quieten down the negative thoughts in my head. Over the last couple of years I haven't been able to just have one, it's always drink until i can't remember - I am a binge drinker.
I have put myself in so many stupid situations and feel like i am in self destruct mode. Friday night was horrific. I went out with work colleagues for leaving drinks and i got off my face on wine and shots. Absolutely no self-control was shown on my part. I was out of control, had to be restrained and started punching walls (I am a girl). In what world is this a pleasurable experience? I have to sit in work today surrounded by people who have seen me at my lowest.
I don't need it, it doesn't do anything apart from making me miserable and i am fed up of my dependence on alcohol. This is day three of my recovery. Wish me luck.