Thank you so much Twofish for all your wisdom and words. They go straight to my heart and bring such healing and kindness. And your timing is synchronous because earlier I was thinking it is time for me to start letting the love in, to listen to the love instead of what I always do instead.
I have always had trouble letting love and kindness in, never able to trust it or believe I deserve it. "Hate" I could "trust" because I knew it and I have been filled with self-loathing for so long. It's familiar territory. Being open to love is being open to vulnerability and pain. But again, as I'm thinking about change, I realize I won't be able to change or grow if I stay locked in fear.
I realize this may be a strange response, but like I said you wrote this as I was contemplating these very ideas. So thank you for the big dose of love and kindness. You've given me the greatest of gifts.
Edited to add--Thank you, too, for adding some fuel to make my tiny flicker of hope a little bit brighter. =<^o^>=