Hi mate.
There's a lot of similarity and feelings in your post that I can relate to.
I am a binge drinker too, as someone just pointed out to me, it is alcoholism too. Last night was the final straw for me and I am determined to put a stop to it for good. I intend to see someone, ( starting with GP ) tomorrow as I made a verbal effort before that I would quit the binging and lapsed. For me, involving another person, a professional in my bid to stop for good makes it official and I think this also shows that I am serious in my intention. It's the single root cause of anything bad we have experienced as a couple. Alcohol and me, just do not mix.
Was at a wedding last night and I drank all day, my girlfriend had booked us into a room, it never happened. I became drunk, I started an argument, put my fist through car windscreen and lost my wallet, cash and iPhone. She left, I left, the room went to waste and I upset her massively. Unfortunately, it's took for something to happen to make me look at myself seriously. I don't want to lose her but these drunken episodes are destroying us. At the moment I don't know where I stand. I cannot say sorry enough, I mean it from my heart and she means so much more to me than drink.
Words are nothing though, I need to prove to her and myself that I can do this and wish to do it for the right reasons. We have a great relationship and she deserves more from me than this. It's not even who I am, I don't know who I am when I am intoxicated. I havent become physically violent but there is a worrying loss of a moral barrier when I'm drunk and that frightens me.
I have to start somewhere and that's the GP tomorrow. My first step was to admit that I have a problem, I'm ready to deal with it now.