Thank you all for your comments and advice. I think perhaps I'm putting too much pressure on myself. The thing is I don't like letting people down and hate thinking I'm a failure . A member mentioned his dog. I have a cat and to be honest if it wasn't for her I would not be here now, I was so determined to end it all a few weeks ago but then something happened and she came and sat with me and I swear she looked at me as if she was saying please don't do anything stupid. Alcohol is such a strong demon and takes over your whole life xx