Thanks puzzled heart for the wonderful pod cast suggestion. It really hit home in so many ways.
I feel like the end of that podcast with two feet on either side of oblivion. One foot I stay in the nightmare and the other I leave and make a new scary nightmare. I feel I would be empty without having to manage my wife's addiction. If have to deal with my own problems. I used to think I didn't have any now I know I have a major one at least - codependency. Today feeling scared and nervous about my up coming talk with my addicted wife.