My story
Thank you again for this place.
I am the single father of an 18 year old boy. We lost his mother to her crack addiction when he was 1.5 and haven't seen her since, I never took another relationship so it was just us until at 15 he ran away for 11 months. He learned to cook, sell and use crystal meth, when he was brought back by police he was a stranger. For the last 2 years it has been a struggle to get him into rehab and out of jail. He has over 40 youth charges and 1 adult that will most likely land him in the big boy prison now... suffice it to say I am stressed.
3 years ago I left my job and used my savings to get by. I took this time to track him and try to get help but this has been a hell. I have always drank since I was 16. I quit at 20 for 2.5 years and started again. My general intake was 6 a night but by the time my son was 13 and starting to rebel using drugs I was increasing to sometimes 10. By the time he ran away I was drinking a case a day, as time moved on and he was sent back and forth I was getting into straight liquor.
In the last 2 years I put back approximately 18 drinks a day as I was up for 18 hours trying to make each beer last 1 hour. I ditched the booze and stuck to beer... still 18 beer is a lot, so I started cutting back. I got back to 12, then just this Wednesday dropped to 6. Thursday I had 4 and today I went to the bar with some friends. I had 2 draught over the period of 4 hours without finishing them and left a full one sent to me by the owner. My 1 friend was relentless about me not finishing or having the 3rd one but I just simply left. I came home had 1 that I am still finishing 2 hours later at 2am.
I did this before when my son was gone and did well for a while, but he was back for less than a week and remember the day I woke up and grabbed a beer for breakfast. I went to look at a motorcycle half cut and knocked over the guys Harley Sportster, I felt bad so I bought it. Well, I dropped it 6 times now, once cornering and hitting gravel sending me tumbling down a busy intersection, (got up quick and got out), the other crushed my hand and after 2 surgeries I told them just to take the fingers off. Got a DUI which cost me $5000 to buy my way out of 8 months later but I was hoofing it for that time. I live about an hour and a half walk from the hospital. Since I got that bike I have had 2 fingers cut off, my 2 right fingers sliced open by knife, my right palm cut open for surgery, a broken left knuckle and a 12 stitch gash in my forehead to the bone, mostly because I was drunk.
Yeah, I got a lot going on. I need to get a job to get myself up and running mentally. I can function fine drunk but I need to feel better because this is no rescue from depression. I need to move on but losing my son this way has facked me up so bad. I hate not eating, not sleeping, and this crappy feeling in the center of me that I can only describe as a homesick/despair/anxiety type feeling. I am just trying to find a way to level out without looking in the fridge for the answer. I wish my friends were more supportive but we have all grown up together and going out is what we've always done.
So I came here for support as I did for my sons addiction on another site. I have seen some helpful things here already and I hope to find more... yes the Harley is OK.