I totally understand how hard it is. My XAH never made me feel safe, but there were good memories and fun times and 26 years. And sometimes it's a struggle for me to remember how hard it was being married to someone who was completely closed off from the world and emotionally detached. But when I finally sit and meditate and pray about it I am more peaceful. He can never give me what I deserve (love, respect, communication, truth) and what I am worth. It's not about what I want, it's about what I deserve. And then I think to myself, "Damn straight! I'm worth so much more." Hugs to you. Hugs to me. Hugs to all of us who go through the pain and hurt from being married at one time to an alcoholic.