Hang in there, Forourgirls. Like others have said, it does get better.
I had a wonderful 20 year marriage to a lovely woman who had _no_ addiction or dysfunction. She was as "normal" as a person can get. Then she became terribly ill, spent 2 years in a world of pain. I'll skip the long story, short version is when the docs got it under control she went into complete remission. Totally back to normal. Except she liked the pain pills. A lot.
She changed, became an addict and our marriage went down the sewer.
I had to deal with all the grief of losing who she used to be, along with trying to accept who she had become. Those first few months were just awfull. I had the exact same reaction to "happy memories" that you describe. It hurt something wicked. At one of my al-anon meetings they actually had to buy extra kleenex just for me
Time, and working my program, slowly healed those "emotional injuries". Today I actually smile when I remember how amazingly good the good times were. I am sad for the bad times, and for her, but I am no longer overwhelmed the way I used to be.
My sponsor told me, back then, that the more I cried _today_ the less I would cry tomorrow. He was right. Letting it all out was the best healing.
Mike
