Originally Posted by
healthyagain 
That is very true Hangnbyathread, yet the question is how much validation and proof do we exactly need to stop being that mushroom? Because codependents live in denial, then we snap out of it shortly, then denial again, then we snoop out more "proof," then we deny the proof because the truth is too painful to handle. Snooping may become a vicious cycle leading to nowhere. For me, the urge itself to feel like snooping on someone is a HUGE red flag. If I do not trust him and want to snoop, why bother being in a relationship? My spidey senses are already telling me something.
If you already in that relationship, and things don't feel right, and they begin to convince you, you are the problem, then you can either get out and never know. Or get out and know, that there were reasons, well founded and verified reasons (because you snooped) why you needed to be sure you acted on the right information.
Trust me I didn't like having to go there. But when I did and it revealed the truth.
That truth set me free.
Had I never "snooped", I'd probably still be depressed, feeling crazy, blaming myself, and hearing how I was the ongoing problem.
Yes I saw e-mails she didn't plan on me seeing.
Yes I saw phone calls and text she didn't want me to know about.
Yes I used these to catch her red handed.
No I have no regrets that I learned the truth. Once I learned it, I acted quickly, with no remorse, and no unresolved feelings.
No I don't ever want to feel compelled to feel like it was a needed action with anyone else in my life......ever.