Originally Posted by
LexieCat 
I think it's a lot to expect the kids to have to tell him he's disrupting their schedule. They shouldn't be put in that position. They can tell him that after the fact when they do finally talk to him, if he demands to know why they didn't answer when he called before. "I was busy, doing x, y, or z." If he berates them they should be totally permitted to say, "I'm not going to listen to you yell at me (or say bad things about mom or whatever). Goodbye."
I agree... I should clarify... I have told the girls (as has their therapist) that they need to tell their dad how they feel and that it's ok to say "now's not a good time"...
The nightly routine here lately is xAH calls incessantly, I finally say "want to talk to dad?" as diplomatically as possible... DD7 usually does. DD10 looks like she's being tormented and usually says something like "not really but he will be mad if I don't". So I have encouraged her, maybe wrongly, to feel free to say a quick hi and say it's not a good time if that's the case or to tell him she's doing something else...
Somehow I guess I think that if I encourage her to tell him honestly that it's not a good time or that she's with friends etc... he will learn that the world does NOT revolve around him and perhaps respect the girls identities as being about more than just him...
I hate to see DD10 anxious and worried about her dad being "mad" if she doesn't answer (and her dad has targetted her with his rage so her fear is valid)...
Thanks all for your feedback... It's just a bad situation no matter what...