pattyj

I have gotten to the point where I rarely talk to my mom because of her drinking. I have never had a very deep relationship with her, unless we were drinking together, because she would use what my sister and I would tell her against us. We learned that very early on in our childhood.
Anyways, for many girls and women they need to talk to their mothers. She should be the first person that daughters want to call about anything good or bad in life. I have never really had that and now that I have made a point to not talk to her all I want to do is call her.
I know from the last time I talked to her that there is a reason why I don't call her or see her. She doesn't listen to me when I am talking, she can't understand what I am saying, needs me to repeat myself and generally doesn't have anything nice to say to me.
But for some reason I am still having a itch to call her. It's similar to that itch to drink in early sobriety. There's a few months in the beginning where you are just uncomfortable with life and want to drink.
I know that I am doing what is best for me and will be grateful for having this distance with her in the future, she is a very toxic person. I am just struggling right now.