First time speaking out
Good morning all
Big step for me, no one we know, knows of our problems so I don't speak about it. Ever. My boyfriend of 8years with whom I have 3 daughters with was a cocaine addict prior to us meeting, he went to rehab in South Africa (we are in the UK) and I was extremely naive assumed he was cured.
he has an addictive personality - weed which he gave up 4 years ago, cigarettes which he quit in October. He drinks most nights, gambles, porn. Most recently it seems to be Rennie and indigestion medicine.
Now since we've had children, I've gained knowledge in his behaviour, every now and again I 'catch him' out. I've got cocaine swab tests which have saved my sanity. Generally it's every 6months or so, but last night I had a feeling and wiped the toilet lid and it was positive. So I asked him, he obviously denied it but text me after I went to bed and admitted it. It was 3 weeks ago when I last caught him purely by accident. So I'm guessing it's creeping up on him again.
I don't even know where I'm heading with this. No one knows, I have no one to talk to. This has massively helped just writing it down.
We're flying to Vegas next month for a 4week trip of a lifetime. We're meant to be getting married. Sadly I don't think I can do it. At some point I need to be able to get my children and walk away.
Had I been more wise I wish I'd never met him. Though obviously I've got my beautiful girls