LostInSpace123

hello. I met my boyfriend in November of 2014. I am divorced and have a 5 year old daughter. He was 27 I was 32. We met one night and found out we have very similar upbringings. Our families knew each other and were in similar fields of work. He worked for his father construction company. When we first started dating I had zero experience with addiction. That being said I thought something was off about him but attributed it to him being in an accident and a coma from when he was young. Come January he told me he had to go away for a month to help sell one of his families home. Found out a few weeks from him that he was actually in rehab for pills. He wrote me letters and begged me to stand by him. He told me he never felt this way before and he realized what he could have with me and needed to change. He promised me love promised me a life and a family after my ex husband cheated on me and left me for a girl 10 years younger (they are getting married in June). He got out of rehab I February and he was great. Fast forward to July. He had relapsed into full addiction and was back in rehab. Same thing I love you you're the best thing that ever happened to me. I love your daughter. I took him back again. I dove into getting educated about addiction and how I could help. I told him about the vivitrol shot. He got out of rehab and was put on house arrest by his parents because they found out he has started doing heroin this time because he couldn't afford the pills. For a couple of months he wasn't allowed to be alone or go out without anyone except me. He would go to outpatient and he got the vivitrol shot. I lost myself in making sure he was ok. Come November he started going out and hanging out with his friends again. I would be very nervous. I would track his cell phone and check his email. Then from what I though was out of the blue in the beginning of December he told me he needed space to focus on himself. He wanted to miss me. He told me he was still mine. I couldn't take it and I told him that this isn't what you do to people you love so we started our relationship where we left off. Then two weeks ago he went out with his friends and didn't call or text me when he got home. Before he went out he changed all of his passwords so I couldn't track him. I asked him to please not drink when he went out because the day before was my birthday and he had 3 beers. I was always asking him where he was where he went did he drink did he talk to anyone. I was always asking him to text or call me. When we were together we were fine. He seemed to love me. When he left me is when I got crazy. I was insecure and scared of loosing him because I loved him more then I loved anyone besides my daughter in the world. But I felt him pushing me away and I just pushed that much harder to have him in my life. So that Sunday after he changed his passwords he texted me "morning " and I called him. I told him I couldn't take it any more. He had changed and I feel like he doesn't care about me. He told me that he needed time for himself. Freedom. And I told him I need to find myself again. This time it wasn't a break. It was a break up. We don't talk. He did text me some meaningless hey what are you doing during the blizzard last week but I was very short and kind of ended the conversation. What do I do now. I'm trying so hard to focus on myself for the first time in my life but as a single mom it's hard. I miss him and I want him back when we both have time to get grounded and centered. I'm just so scared that he's going to meet someone. I'm so scared that he is going to find someone with less baggage and fall in love. Did he only love me because he was high and now he is clean and getting his feelings back and realizes that he never loved me? I worry about him so much everyday and I don't know if he is clean or hurting or anything. Do they really need space if they love you or has he made up his mind and just told me that to let me down easy? I'm sorry there's just so many questions I can't think straight. Thank you.