I drank, sometimes moderately and sometimes heavily, through my late teens until I was 28. At that point, I felt like I wasn't at the wheel anymore. I quit kind of as an experiment. I was never sure if I was actually a "real" alcoholic or not. Sometimes I was fine, sometimes... not.
I was sober for almost six years. During that time, I had a good about of professional growth, grew some great friendships, and ran a marathon. I thought hey, I've really pulled my life together... I wonder if I can drink now. So I tried it... again with mixed results. Again, sometimes I'm fine, sometimes... not. So now I'm doing a 30 day break to reflect. It may go longer. It may go 30 days, 31 days, 6 months, 6 years, or a lifetime. I'm not sure yet.
I know a few things.
- I am not convinced I am an alcoholic.
- I am convinced I feel LOADS better physically when I'm not drinking.
- I love alcohol.
- I don't want to be hungover anymore.
- I am afraid that if I press my luck, quitting won't always be this easy.
- I'm afraid I'm overreacting by quitting and maybe I can get it under control.
- I'm afraid I'm deluding myself thinking I can control this forever and I've just been lucky so far.
My advice is try quitting for 30 days. If you can't quit for 30 days, you probably have a problem. And having 30 sober days to think it over is a good exercise. I bet you'll be shocked at how good you feel, honestly, and maybe you'll want the good to last.