Acheleus: I'm sorry to hear how you're feeling and hating what you are of sort locked into doing. I'm slightly confused about your post. You said you never got laid, but in one of your other threads you said you slept with your alc exgf. However it went, Ach...it's probably best to heal from the ex for awhile before making any big life changes or getting into another relationship. I hope that whatever happens you feel that life IS worth living because you ARE worth it. You are beautiful and could probably get into a relationship with whomever you would choose...For whatever reason you think she cheated on you, but it's my understanding you had broken up and she started "seeing" other men and drinking. It's possible that she did NOT sleep with other men, but because you broke it off with her she was heartbroken and felt abandoned like nobody loved her anymore...these things happen...you engaged with other female friends and she engaged with other men and it's good that you didn't any STD from her...I've been heartbroken before too and it's so hard to carry on sometimes...when I was 20 I was so heartbroken I had to drop out of college for a semester because I was failing; did FAIL; fell flat on my face ... and the reason I failed was because I couldn't study; couldn't concentrate. You've GOT to carry on and do what you need to do to be happy and we're here; many of us working on the VERY SAME issues that you are..so don't forget you are not totally alone, 'K?