Rage and physical pain
Hi everyone,
I have been sober with just a few hiccups since the first week of September, 2015 after drinking regularly for 27 years (I am now 39). I detoxed and went through a 30 day rehab program and was introduced to AA during that time. I currently have a great sponsor who I speak to most days, am working the steps, reading a lot of literature on recovery and spirituality, am praying which is not something I ever did before (although I am really having difficulty ascertaining what my HP might be which is incredibly frustrating) going to meetings and I've started taking inventories.
Bottom line is that I am on an emotional rollercoaster, namely full of rage most of the time. I feel so mad most days before something even occurs that would have the potential to set me off; typically I wake up angry and that emotion continues on and off every hour of every day.
The irony is that I do not even miss drinking (which would have been my obvious go-to previously) and have no desire to go back to that way of dealing with my life. I feel utterly full of despair some days and it feels like a tornado ripping through my spirit. There is no telling what might spark the feeling and as I mentioned sometimes it is nothing at all. I am not sure what more I can possibly do in my recovery, I am not currently working so recovering and focusing on getting better is now my full time job but I am exhausted by it to be quite honest.
In addition, I am in physical pain constantly. My joints ache, my back, neck and shoulders are in excruciating pain, especially when I wake in the morning and get out of bed. I have been to my physician and have had blood tests run to no positive inflammatory result, I am eating a very good and well balanced diet (with the exception of dessert for dinner as I often now crave sweets, which I never did while I was drinking), taking vitamins, sleeping 8-9 hours each night, etc.
I have asked advice from many people, have read and read and read, researched this and I can not seem to find a solution for either of these issues. All I know is that I feel like I am going out of my mind with anger and both physical and mental pain and I am desperate to make it stop. Thank you in advance for your time,
Mel B.