I dont want to ok drinking in all honesty if it wasnt for the panic attacks I'd still be drinking. Why? because i saw absolutly nothing wrong with drinking 15-20 beers a night spending all that money. waking up still drunk day in and day out. Sometimes puking then drinking more cause i suddenly had the room and felt good enought o drink again. I saw nothing wrong with taking a sleeping pill to fend off waking up at 3am really itchen ( later realized after i sobered up this was withdrawel and i needed another drink had i figured that out i woulda just drank and skipped the sleeping pill). I saw nothing wrong with taking a couple ibprofin before bed to ease the morning headaches and such and then taking more in the morning. I saw nothing wrong with empty beer cans all over the place. Nothing wrong with my life revolving aorund my drinking schedule the list goes on.
I'm not lieing I saw nothing wrong with any of this it was all normal. I held down a job kept the family happy blah blah and there is part of me the addict part thats like man if i could just drink and not have panic attacks i'd so be getting trashed this very instant despite 4.5 years of sobriety.
But there is the other part of me that is like oh man sobriety is pretty stinking good despite lifes usual ups and downs. I wake up each day feeling just fine. dont have to take those pills or have my life revolve around how many beers are left and what not. I've lost well over 100lbs i run 50-70 miles a week and am in the best shape of my life. I no longer have debt along with a whole host of other problems that I just thoguht where normal all those years.
but yeah I kinda get it despite all the nonsense nothing would motivate me to quit till those panic attacks came along.
I dunno i guess that was my bottom. finding your preverbial bottom is crap but i dunno for me if it wasnt for the hard way i'd never learn.
I hope you can quit before it forces you to quit tho. It would be nice to do it on your terms.
life is better on the other side. it aint all s*** and giggles all the time but my quality of life is considerably better.