Projects
Hi all,
I had an image today that spoke to me but may not translate into words well.
I'm a general contractor who specializes in historic residential restorations. The work is demanding and requires focus. I enjoy the challenge and the end product is typically really beautiful.
At home, however, my wife has questioned for years how I am able to produce beautiful homes for others while ours looks, charitably, like a collection of folk art projects. Some of my work is great and other parts fairly ramshackle and lacking any sense of pride in craftsmanship....
The answer is simple. I never drank before or at work, thank goodness, and managed to maintain focus and quality. At home all of my projects were built in varying stages of inebriation from pleasantly buzzed to hammered. If I had to go look for the right tool I would just use the wrong tool in the wrong way because the effort didn't seem worth it. If a cut was too short but I could still manage to install it....perfect! Slipshod stuff.
Now that I have had enough sober time to complete some home projects I have noticed that the quality of my work is on par with what I do for a living considering my three kids, dogs, a wife and numerous other obligations that arise. I'm clear headed and determined to make the most of my skills. I'm working with the right tools and the right attitude.
This revelation is only interesting to me in that it parallels my life-long struggle with depression and melancholy. In my pre-drinking days (before 30) I had these mental struggles but dealt with them by doing well in college, by running ultra-marathons, by eating really well, by maintaining close friendships..... by doing all the things a person can do to feel better with what we are given.
In the intervening years from 30-47 it suddenly became easier to just drink it away. All of the positive traits slowly faded away and not surprisingly the initial boost that alcohol provided did not last. I have remained depressed and melancholic but have added low self-esteem, obesity and self-loathing to the mix.
As weeks have become months of sobriety I have faced the old familiar emotional issues straight on, no chaser, and it has been tough.
What I am remembering and relearning is that I had tools to deal with this that were healthy before and that I can develop them again and expand on them. Like my construction projects, my emotional life is much better addressed in the light of sobriety and with a clear head.
No more drunken projects whether physical or mental!
Thanks to all for great posts tonight.