I too echo what others said and no based on what I read it's not your fault but until a person admits they are an alcoholic, a relationship in my experience is not possible or maybe I should say a healthy relationship.
As for your concerns about yourself, I would suggest you talk to your doc about mental illness as that condition can be pretty serious, my experience is only with two friends that have it and when they are not on their meds, impossible to be around.
All the best
Andrew