After having a few years sober sometime in the past I can remember having a dream where the beer was already in my hand and half gone, so there was no decision made in the dream, I bolted awake with my heart beating wildly ..
Like I had thrown it all away because I was the sort that one sip and that was it .. might as well get a case .. all that clean time is gone. I made it another year before I did take that sip and get that case. I did not go to any meetings or have any plan I just did not drink for those years. I also had no social life but work.
So now I am not all that big on counting sober time and more concerned now with finding out how to not make the same mistakes that led to that first sip. I feel no urge to drink so I have time to figure out a recovery plan. That was the missing part I think.
I don't like the idea that I am permanently defective but .. when it comes to using alcohol .. that does appear to be the case. The facts are that most every time I start back drinking it ends in some sort disaster real or in my mental state at some point.
Well I have a group meeting every week now led by a councilor that is addiction education so I guess I should pay attention this time.
Also if I did find myself with a half empty beer in my hand .. I could just set it down, no need to go off the deep end like it is all or nothing.
I hope not to test that any time soon though. ha ha ..