Lola- i wasnt physically abused but 100% emotionally. It hurts so deep inside and hurts even worse to know that my 2 daughters ( 11 and 3) were witnessing it all. 2 months ago i hit my limit and kicked him out. I suspected drug use but he ALWAYS denied it. For a month he stayed at his moms. When we did talk i could tell that he was using. I also struggled with " should i risk it". Eventually- i gave the ultimatum- get help or get out. Now a month into him being away in treatment- my house, my kids , myself is CALM! no screaming at 6:30 in the morning, no more punching holes in the walls- just PEACEFUL! And yes, i AM struggling to put food on the table, but i have a very supportive family- both his and mine that help us. But, even if i didnt have their help- i would still choose to struggle rather than live in fear and emitional hell any longer.
Dont give up. Take care of YOU and your babies. They need you. Big hugs