Lots going on
Hey all,
Ive got lots going on with school right now. I already feel behind. I knew this quarter was going to suck, I really just hope they aren't all this tough. Thats what I get for choosing a major in the sciences I guess.
On top of that I still feel a bit outta place at my new spot. The couple I stay with work from home so they are always there. Sometimes I just want a sandwich or a something to drink and I feel like I've gotta do the small talk thing. Sometimes I'm just not in the mood for small talk with everything on my mind. I feel sort of dull, like I'm going through the motions of life without life. LOL
On top of that ^, my girlfriend had a strange talk with me a couple days ago. You know the ones that start off like "I've been thinking about some things lately". Followed by the next line "but I know you've been busy so I haven't really wanted to bring it up". It sort of felt like my name suddenly turned to John and I just received a letter in the mail....
She's still off from school, she actually starts this week. She also got a new job, a decent one working in the field that she's going to school for. With our new schedules we haven't really had the time to see each other as often. So I think she's had some time to ponder and think. She had wanted to "see where we stand" in the relationship cause were going on 3 years now. She can't seem to take hearing about how school sucks for me lol, I can't really blame her I guess cause I can't really stand that it sucks either. She says the last time she can recall having a good time with me was like 5 months ago. She wants to do things, and have fun, and travel someday, and yada yada yada. She can't take me all down and out anymore. She says I spent practically the whole winter break studying, and she went with me because thats what you do in relationships sometimes, you sacrifice. She says when we went to a sporting event over the break I wasn't even that into it, which is true. She says I didn't even want to drink a few beers before we went, and that theres time and a place to drink and a time and a place not to drink, and apparently that was the time and place for it LOL. She says I don't really talk and mingle with her family or friends, that I sort of just shut down around them. Probably true. She wants to be able to go out with friends and have fun sometimes and include me but its very hard because I'm this way. Oh and apparently I don't show enough affection either.
I tried telling her that it won't always be this way. Life's on a new path and all and I just gotta get through school. Then the fun times can roll. I also told her that were kind of passed the whole honeymoon phase but that doesn't mean I don't love her. It just really sounded like she was ready to move on or something, which I told her as well. She said its not even that but she can't live like this, and she won't live like this haha.
This was two days ago, everything seems fine and dandy now after I talked to her for a good solid amount of time that day. After I pleaded on how much I do care about her and do see her in my future, and how vacations and fun would come some day. But I also told her I'm not there to mold myself into someone that she's gonna like either. I've been there, done that, and it didn't work. It's like, if you want to move on then your gonna move on. If you've got doubts then those doubts are gonna keep creeping in until its over. I mean, thats what I think anyways.
Like I said, shes been calling and stuff the past couple days like she always does, and I'll tell you what, I haven't been complaining anymore LOL. I've been trying to address her a bit more I suppose. All this has been in the back of my mind lately. I mean, I guess I'll just see where it goes. I suppose that's all I can do.