solow

Today was my 17th day sober, the longest I've gone without alcohol in around 2 years and the longest I've gone since I started to accept that I have a drinking problem.

This was also the first day I have gone on any kind of social outing sober, aside from with my immediate family, and enjoyed it. I just went for a long walk on a cold sunny day with an old friend and then had a simple lunch and a cup of coffee. The whole thing lasted around 3 hours but it meant a lot to me.

It meant a lot because I was able to enjoy the experience without the constant need to "improve" it with alcohol. In the past I would have suggested a boozy lunch or just going straight to a bar or, if I felt obliged to go ahead with the walk, I would have been only half present, my mind constantly drifting to how I could steer the day towards my goal of getting my hands on a drink. That nagging feeling of discontent was just not there. I laughed a lot, I enjoyed the exercise, all the nature around me and the great conversation with a good friend.

It occurred to me that I was, after around a decade or more, rediscovering that it is possible to enjoy life without alcohol or drugs. I honestly don't think I have felt that kind of pure, unclouded enjoyment of such a simple activity since I was a child.

I wonder whether anyone else can relate to this sense that all the years of alcohol have almost been deleted and what's left is the same person you always were in a world just as lovely as it used to be. What a relief!