This is day 30. I have made it 30 days without drinking alcohol and that is my longest stretch for at least the past 15 years. There is no end in sight . . . I pray everyday that I never go back.
There have been some difficult moments for sure - Christmas Eve found me trying to convince myself that it would be fine to have just one bottle of wine. Not just one glass, mind you, but just one bottle. It took all my might not to go buy anything. I made it through that night and then I made it through Christmas day and then on the next day - on my day 11, I found these forums.
A reconnection with my Higher Power, a new yoga practice, lots of tea, changing some routines and reading SR forums has gotten me to this day. The benefits are tremendous: I have saved hundreds of dollars, have never slept better in my whole life, can look myself in the eye in the mirror again and what had become an ever-present feeling of guilt/shame hanging over me has faded. I am eating better and look better. I feel proud of myself for doing something that for so long was so impossible. I am not even sure why I have been able to do it this time; but I am so grateful for these past 30 days.
I know that moving forward, I am going to need to face up to some things - emotional things and some physical things that have been cause and now are effects of my drinking. I have been damaged and I have caused some damage. I do not really have a solid plan for how to now deal with parts of my life without alcohol . . . and I realize that is dangerous. So that is where my focus now turns.
Okay . . . thanks for listening. I suppose I just wanted to share a little and celebrate a little. My best to you all, wherever you may be on your journey.