norashepard

I'm sorry. I went through similar conversations (for years, it seems) with my AXBF, wherein he told me that "our" friends said this thing or that thing about me -- that I'm a drag, for ex, or that I'm too negative. I wonder how truthful it is, and if it is just part of the addict's manipulations. He would only bring up our friends' dislike of me in heated fights and during some text convos after we broke up. I wondered if he was feeding them lies about us/me to make them dislike me, or if they never even said anything at all.

At any rate, what I'm implying is that it may not be that your mutual friends are simply choosing him over you because they just like him better; he may have turned them against you by painting you in a bad light, or they may actually not feel that way about you at all, and he's lying to you...If he is an alcoholic mess and they are sober, likely they can see his issues...

Anyway, just solidarity in that. It really hurt when he would say those things to me and eroded my self-esteem, made me feel broken and unlikeable. I still feel that way sometimes. Because I am not neurotypical and know that I sometimes seem weird or standoffish -- and I am a pessimist -- so he was playing on my very real insecurities. But it is manipulation at best and abuse at worst -- things said to others solely with the intent to hurt should not be taken at face value -- so try to just take those comments as indicative of the reason(s) you left him and allow them to contribute to the relief you feel at being free, even as you grieve the marriage.