Friend-I was SOOOO there just a year ago-and even since then. Everyone here assured me it would get better-and it does-although I didn't truly believe it at the time. A lot of people here toldr that grieving is not linear-and it's true. Ups and downs, random crying, anger, etc-I too felt like a tidal wave of emotions hit bc I had stuffed them for so long just to survive in the insane and scary environment my ex created-or when I did actually let my emotions out during the last few years we were married I was laughed at or scolded it made fun of or abused further. Let them out-it's ok!!!
Remember that addicts spin a web of lies and so whst he's told his friends and what he's telling you is not the truth-to either party! I too was told that nobody liked coming around me bc I was so awful and not fun to be around-well, yes, that was true to some extent-but those same people had not one f'ing clue what I dealt with day in and day out with my ex-and most of them were enablers and drinking buddies that I don't think cared either way. Not one "friend" has bothered to even call to check on our young girls in almost a year and a half-one friend in particular was to be the godfatger of our oldest daughter. Nothing. Yep-great friend and man, alright!
Don't fret-addicts recruit others to continue to try to sell their lies to-you walk forward with your head held high armed with the truth-that's what you have and trust me, it beats living like him any day of the week. Wishing you peace tonight!
Many hugs.