Hi everyone, good to hear that we're all working hard to find ways forward in these early days.
I've been feeling pretty good in my sobriety in the last few days in particular. Followed a bumpy weekend. A certain calm has surrounded me, albeit I've been lucky to have a quiet time of work, massive bonus. Feeling so much happier, calmer and patient in my own skin.
When I was drinking, I would have typically arrived home from work at 6pm and spent an hour obsessively manipulating my next hour to acquire, prepare and position myself for a wasted night of drinking. As a result, I would have been impatient with my family, eager to shift the focus to my affliction. Tonight, I laughed and played games with my daughter - I felt like I was "in the moment", at last again - not felt that truly for years. Was quite emotional from it. To be unshackled from the obsessive thoughts in that bubble is such a huge relief.
I had to ride out some addictive thoughts mid afternoon and was really pleased with how I handled it, and the best bit was it all came spontaneously. I finally escaped a 3 hour meeting at work and a semi-euphoric thought shot through my mind to get home and do beers. I felt the AV sensations in ways I don't really ever do - it seemed to travel my body and I observed it. It seemed child-like, almost innocent - to the point I almost felt sorry for my AV's primeval suggestions. I humoured the moment, and was able to run through my planned mantras. It was gone in less than two minutes. I've never been able to calmly handle those situations quite like that before and it was surreal.
I think this has been my best day so far, due to simple realisations like these. To have more days like today has suddenly become a new driver and desire in my life.
Convinced it's all going to be so worth it! All the best everyone.
CC