Originally Posted by
noinsanity2423 
I hope this encourages someone on step 4 to look really really far back and to realize that the relationship that got them into Al-Anon or the recovery program may not be the only toxic abusive one. It may just be the last stop on a journey of unhealthy ones.
This rings really true for me also, noinsanity. Some time ago, I was thinking of all the "significant other"-type relationships I've ever had. I was stunned to realize that every single one was, at the very least, dysfunctional, and in most cases, abusive to at least some extent. One after another, I'd picked emotionally unavailable men who then went on to lie to me, belittle me and often financially abuse me also. One after another, I found these guys, knocked myself out to make myself attractive to them, turned my life upside down to make them happy, and then was left w/nothing when they eventually moved on to greener pastures (XAH being the exception; HE stuck around and would likely be here still b/c I was such a great match for him, dysfunctionally...).
From the age of maybe 15 to now, 55. It was a HUGE revelation for me. Having that knowledge and perspective has been vital as I try to see my way forward. This time, it really IS gonna be different!
Thanks for this post. I think that realizing that what is happening w/any of us at any given time is part of a much, much bigger pattern is really important. We can't learn to break it until we understand there IS one...