newhope01

Something in my life has to change and I want the change now.

There is a piece of me that does not want to give up alcohol, as I tend to romanticize it. I know very well that there is nothing romantic about being a drunk.

But still, my mind wanders to a glass of chardonnay while having a romantic dinner. But, we all know its not one glass and that all that wine is, is literally poison. The actual outcome for me is that my husband gets pissed and annoyed with his drunk wife as she has now ruined the evening for him, even if it is just one glass, at least at the table anyway.

I have done this before so I know that I can do it, but I keep stumbling backwards farther and farther into this disease. I think part of my issue is that I am not holding myself accountable and am not telling others about my decision to quit. Telling others to me is another way to help keep oneself accountable. My AV is in complete control right now.

I came in an hour late to work today because of this disease and my poor decisions. I use to be a star worker and now I'm just messing everything up.

I'd like to try and keep this as an accountability log because I need to be sober in order to be happy.

Thanks for reading everyone and being patient with me.. I know I am on here on and off constantly.