Thanks for the warm welcome, y'all.
I'm on my tenth day; my last drink was a glass of champagne to toast the New Year.
I found out something the last two days that was interesting. Yesterday was a crummy, stressful day, and I was an emotional basketcase for a good ninety minutes of it. Near the end of the night I caught myself thinking,
You've had a rough day, grab a six-pack and relax at home tonight. Of course, I didn't.
Tonight's shift was much better; I've found a fine, if delicate, emotional balance and managed to stay there all day with minimal fuss. So what happens at the end of the day? Yep --
What a great day -- sitting down and having a couple would be the perfect cap for it. Of course, I didn't.
But it put into stark relief something I've known intellectually, but never really observed in action before: the rationalization of the alcoholic brain, pointing to whatever external condition, good or bad, as a rationale to drink. This clearly implies that external events are perhaps irrelevant to sobriety in the end, and that inner conditions matter most of all.
Last night was the first real temptation I had to say, "Aw, screw it" -- and I feel good knowing that I can tell myself "no" and mean it. I'll take every little success I can find, right now.