The words we use about ourselves are important, and can often give us insight as to why we do the things we do. Pretending that things didn't happen is something that many of us are very good at doing. Technically, when I pretend that something like a relapse "didn't happen," I'm also saying that "I didn't do it," that I'm not responsible for my behavior. Relapse doesn't just happen. It requires both a decision -- even though it may not feel that way -- and an action.
We don't always learn from what we do by virtue of the fact that we did it, and by then saying "It was a learning experience." Changes in behavior allow for learning; repeating unwanted behaviors is only a repetition of what we've done in the past and, by itself, offers nothing new to our knowledge.
Sobriety, too, does not "just happen." It's not what we think, what we say, or what we feel about sobriety; it's what we do about getting sober that makes the difference between a life of misery, failure and loss and a life that is potentially meaningful.
Our beloved Robby used to talk about "sobriety ambivalence," the absence of commitment to getting sober, and how this influences our decisions while we're struggling to get sober. Negotiating with drinking, concluding that I cannot go without drinking "forever," holding onto reservations about drinking ("I'll stay sober only until my partner leaves me, I lose my job/get a better job, someone I love dies, I get into a new relationship, my best friend's wedding, my vacation, my health improves/declines, my partner stops abusing me, I'm old, I stop/start feeling lonely, a week/month/year of sobriety passes by, I feel I can drink safely...").
Early sobriety is extremely difficult. We all know this. One of the best ways to start is to be accountable, to take responsibility for both our thinking and behavior. As is true of anything worthwhile in life, it takes work, commitment and doesn't happen overnight.
I wish you well.