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Old 01-09-2016, 05:02 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
LexieCat
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I think you're on the right track--boundaries are for you, not him. It isn't a "training" technique (reward/punishment) for him, it's something to protect you. Boundaries will only take you so far. They don't really do anything to fix the situation but they can provide you with some protection in the meantime.

The "I won't be lied to" thing is tricky, and may not be a realistic boundary. I've never met an alcoholic who didn't lie about drinking--hiding bottles, hiding purchases, sneaking drinks, making excuses to leave the house to drink, etc. It's part and parcel of alcoholism, and it's fair to say that if the alcoholic is drinking, s/he is lying about it--the when, where, how much, etc.

So I think that as long as the alcoholic is drinking, you pretty much have to accept the lying as part of that. Of course, you can leave altogether at some point if you decided living with alcoholism is something you no longer want to deal with. My impression, though, is you're not ready to leave.

I get how frustrating the lying about drinking is, especially when it's so transparently obvious that they've been drinking, or when it looks like they've been making an effort to not drink and you discover they've actually been drinking all along. I totally understand. But making a boundary around lying about drinking isn't realistic because it WILL happen, and happen repeatedly, and I don't know how you would "remove yourself" from a lie.

Think about boundaries in terms of how they can protect you in day-to-day situations. Think about what bothers YOU, and what, specifically, YOU can do to make it less upsetting/harmful to YOU.
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