AV won today but I'm not giving up. I booked an appointment with a new counselor. And a doctor's appointment next week.
I don't have friends in my town, my dad is far away on holidays. But I found some good reading about depression on google.
There's one more bottle left in the house. Trying to get the strength to throw it out when nobody's watching. It didn't help. It didn't solve any problems. It just brought the panic and anxiety back...