You are not an idiot! And you have not let anyone here down!
You are simply an addict setting out on that challenging path to sobriety.
Make a plan. Stick to it. And let some of the experienced members here support and guide you. The only person you really risk letting down at the end of the day is yourself. Period.
I myself had about 10 day 1s in 2 weeks! I then finally found my wings and am now at day 60. The first week or so is tough. But it does get easier.
Good luck