dee, your words about the risk of becoming a drinker again weigh heavily on me.
one could argue you ARE a drinker, jeff......you aren't at full STOP and you aren't at full GO (yet).
so what was your mindset that gave you permission to drink? what was the mental conversation? it's great you come here and pull your covers AFTERWARDS, but did you give any consideration to coming here BEFORE you made those drinks? this isn't 20 questions, i just want you to really examine your thought process and your motives......go read your post on Jan 1......what happened?