I behaved in similar fashion as to what you've described many times. Simply, while I would verbalize I had a problem and had some level of desire to quit I really had not accepted I could not drink. There is no hope until we are accepting in my experience.
Then there are those who accept the problem but not the solution. At one point I accepted I would die from drinking - probably a heart attack or respiratory failure. But I still did not want to accept the solution.
"Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death."