I've read most if not all of your posts, and I don't know what advice to share other than that you should quit, you can be a real bad drunk. Me too, so I decided to quit for good, the only thing I'm missing out on is being a bad drunk, and that's not missing out on anything.
Me and alcohol suck , just a fact. It took me years and years to face up to that fact and to decide to be done with it. I got to the point of having had enough and realizing more wasn't going to fix it or make it better. Cutting it out lock , stock and barrel guarantees I will never again be a bad drunk, quit taking chances, just quit.