Feeling Inferior
RAH has been sober for 7 weeks now. 4.5 of which were in rehab. He's doing well, working a program, has lost 23 lbs, going to the gym, getting back into his music, back at work, etc.
Supposed to be everything I wanted right??? How come I'm feeling all ugly, fat, not as far along in recovery, not having a life, etc ,etc. Then I realized - I'm feeling inferior to him. And it's not HIM that's making me feel that way it's ME. Ugghh.
Trying to cut myself some slack but I'm realizing that I need to take better care of me. I've been really lousy at doing that and it shows. I've been working my alanon - meetings, reading every day, really trying to be aware of what is going on around and inside me, taking things one day at a time. This whole rehab thing is great for the alcoholic but it has me feeling light years behind in my own recovery. Although I've been working it longer I've also had to juggle it with getting it all done each day - not the same as the extreme self focus and insulated world of rehab.
I'm also finding myself on eggshells a bit again. He's different and I'm a little reserved (trust issues?) and overall not happy with myself. Plus I had mostly figured out the dynamic of our relationship and the 'rules/roles' in our house with him drinking. Now it's changed - he's taking more authority and responsibility which also means some of the decisions I've made (without his input as he wasn't able) are being questioned and it's got me a little pissed off and resentful.
Anyone get what i'm feeling? Any advice on pushing through it?