Originally Posted by
Steps1 
You are all wonderful and I am so happy for those of you who are on your desired path.
I don't think I am ready for this. I think I'm going to start drinking again. There is just too much illness and trauma for me to deal with at the moment - I can't bear to lose my final security blanket. The one sanctuary I had. Aside from that, it's just people jumping down my throat, harassing me, forcing me to do things I don't want to do. Take medication, but don't take too much, go to hospital, don't drink, work, don't work, follow your heart, STOP following your heart...
I just want something that's just for me. Some space for the world to come back. I am the best judge of my own condition. I want to be able to do whatever I want. Then I can pick up the pieces later.
I'm just not sure abstinence is right for me. Thanks for all the kindness and advice. Maybe one day it will make more sense!
The problem is the longer you stay drinking the worse all this stuff gets.
Honestly - I'm not trying to scare you - we get more and more dependent and the anxieties we have already are then compounded by the anxieties we have when we're not drunk.
Whatever the things are in your past it's better to face them now than in 20 or 30 years.
You'll see post after post of people saying 'I wish I quit decades ago'. That's not a coincidence.
Fear is ruling you right now - fear that things will always be this way, fear that you won't be able to handle it, fear that without booze your past is going to swamp you.
I won't lie - it's difficult for a little while - but no more difficult than trying to juggle drinking.
The fear of getting sober was MUCH much worse than the reality
It will get better - noone would stay sober if it didn't , man
Whatever rough patches you might hit, you have support here and you're not alone.
There's really no better time to do this than now.
Don't throw in the towel now
D