Thank you all very much, you have helped me so much.
I have to say, I've been through the steps 3 times with 2 different sponsors, I sponsor someone, I live in the steps every day, I know what I should be doing and I'm not a newbie who will relapse without having someone to phone every day. I never had that relationship anyway with my sponsor, my sobriety wasn't and isn't dependent on her or anyone.
I have this year added AlAnon to my recovery tools. My H drinks and through attending meetings I've learned how to live with this much easier. There is a lady I met there, and she and I exchange texts every so often. She has that air of easy and quiet serenity about her I admire so much.
I'm going to make a point of going far more regularly than I have been, and I may ask this lady if she would be willing to take me through the 12 steps of AlAnon. I recognise I have issues with codependency, and through seeing my sponsor relapse and then losing her support altogether, it has really brought it home for me how easily my world is rocked when one of my 'inner circle' disappears. Even if I'm not dependent on them, it feels like one of my foundation stones has crumbled. Well, time for me to re-build.
Everything happens for a reason, and nothing in God's world happens by mistake. I may not always understand the 'whys' right now, but I don't need to understand His plan, just trust there is one.
I'm going to become a regular attendee at AlAnon and am also starting a weekly meditation class too. That combined with my new ways I've found to exercise and eat properly will ensure I'm mentally in the right place to see opportunities for change when they appear.
I feel really quite excited to see what change lies ahead for me.