Thank you all for your input.
mayabee: Maybe another group would be a better fit. I need to try again.
anaya and Sara21: I think you are right about another counselor. The one I have admittedly has not worked with addiction. I should have moved on before this.
MorningGlory: Such a heavy, heavy burden to carry. I hope you can find serenity, too, in spite of it. And yes, the lives of the two addicts entwine themselves around me and I feel strangled sometimes, even though one is dead and one has no contact. Even trying to take part in an Al Anon meeting, I find myself going in and out of the feelings resulting from both of them. It's weird. Is the hurt from my XAH or my AS? It's both. Sometimes I think I should write it all out, like a book. But I'm afraid someone will see it and know all the ugly truth.