Yeah, you are definitely struggling with that whole, "I am not enough," thing.
I wouldn't go picking apart a word like "allergy." The Big Book was written 80 years ago and a lot has been discovered about addiction since then. Take that word to mean, "obsession." You definitely have a mental obsession, so deal with that. I believe that to be partly genetic and partly your past. I have the same thing. Some days I could drink one. Some days I couldn't. Since the outcome was not assured I would far rather err on the side of caution and just not get started. Otherwise all the anti-promises come true. (Like Beccybean's post of "playing the tape through.")
This need to be loved is also an obsession and can be healed by loving yourself enough.
I have an exercise for you. Don't overthink it. Just do it. (hah!) Go into the bathroom, close the door. Look into your eyes and say, "I love you. I am sorry. Thank you. Forgive me." Do that every day. It's a small thing with huge rewards. It's called Mirror Work if you want to learn more about it. At some point I would think a full-length mirror would be helpful, since you have body issues.
((hug)) - I have a saying that I say to myself. "Do only that which is good for you." I measure things against that. I also had to look at my need to take a pill to feel better. Some pills are okay for the short term, like NSAIDS or antibiotics. That is all I allow in my body anymore.