Originally Posted by
Fabat50 
"What it does, honestly, is about half the time, it opens a door or flips a switch for more behavior. It's like I'm at a fork in the road and drinking puts me on the addict road"
I guess the question is if the wine tasting event has even the remotest possibility of flipping a switch?
We all have different triggers, switches, forks in the road, drinking habits etc.. What unites us here is that we all have a problem. It may come in different degrees, forms, duration whatever. But alcoholism is what it is.
I don't mean to sound mean. But you seem to be in some kind of denial, or confusion, about whether you THINK you have a problem with drink or not.
And all this, of course, begs the question: if I DONT think I have a problem, what the heck am I doing here?
Well, I can make a hundred excuses: I just need to feel part of something. I'm a hypochondriac and always think something is wrong. I'm depressed. My mother brainwashed me to think I'm defective. I'm miserable. I can't seem to find happiness anywhere, no matter what I do. My relationships suffer because my emotions are erratic and I'm looking for somebody to please me. I'm resentful at everyone, at the world. These things are either excuses, or real examples of umanageability. But the reason I'm here is NOT that I am in dire need of quitting drinking or drugs. I'm here because the 12 step program showed me the promises, it spoke of a spiritual malady to which I related entirely, and it gave me the only solution that ever seemed to make any sense. It provided a proven design for living and I've seen it work for many.
And then I feel like a fraud, cause if I could work the steps without quitting, I would rather do that. I want a solution to my problems, but I don't think my problems are caused by drugs and alcohol. My problems have been with me my entire life - my thinking - is the problem.
I'm rambling, I'm sorry. I'm really struggling with this denial aspect. I want to get all my excuses in a glass jar and keep them in there.