Thanks everybody - here's the thing (and it's probably obvious): I don't always have a problem with THE FIRST DRINK. I can drink socially quite fine, most of the time. The big book mentions the physical allergy and the obsession of the mind. I GET the obsession of the mind, but an ALLERGY of the BODY? I just simply don't believe I experience this. I gave it some thought last night, and here's what i experience:
Drinking alcohol in and of itself is not always an immediate problem for me. I'm not blacking out and I'm not drinking myself to death. What it does, honestly, is about half the time, it opens a door or flips a switch for more behavior. It's like I'm at a fork in the road and drinking puts me on the addict road. It makes me self-centered and focused on my comfort and popularity and likeability. And it I'm going to drink, I might as well take a pill so I get drunk faster (don't want to waste calories!). I'll probably need another pill the next day for the anxiety. And if I'm already taking pills, I should probably take a different pill so then I can suppress my appetite and get skinnier. Then I can drink after not eating and get drunk faster. Then maybe I'll etc etc etc
The best case is drink a bit, sleep in a little late, skip the gym, start eating poorly, obsess about my body/weight, and want to restrict my food or take pills to manage it. This, is what I believe is the cycle.
So - when you guys say 'all it takes is one drink and then you're a gonner'.....I'm not sure I feel that way. I do not feel the physical craving to keep drinking - but I have gained momentum on the addict train going down the addict road, and it's hard to stop, backup to the fork, and choose another direction.